Why He/She Left You To Be With Another Person After All You Did For Him/Her
Why is it that a man who stayed with you suddenly doesn’t want you the moment he makes it?
I was discussing relationships and marriage with a friend a few weeks ago, and suddenly she told me how she’s not willing to date or marry anyone who isn’t an “Emeka.”
In this context, “Emeka” means a man or woman who is established, a person who is already “Esther-Blished.”
I listened carefully to her. When she finished, I gave her this piece of advice, which I believe should suffice.
For you reading this, I’m sure you’ve also had that worry, probably because many of the people interested in you are not Emeka or Esther, and you’re afraid of building a life with them, whether they are male or female.
First, you must come to the realization that humans are susceptible to change. There is no single person, dead or alive, who is immune to change.
Take, for instance, when you were a child. There were things you genuinely cherished at that level. But as you grew, you no longer cherished those things as you used to, not because those things no longer exist, but because you’ve outgrown that taste.
Your new level of knowledge and awareness has made those things appear less appealing to you. Right now, all you can do is reminisce about them and be thankful for the roles they played at that stage of your life.
The idea is that a person who genuinely loves you and is willing to do anything and everything to please you right now might become irritated by your presence tomorrow. That doesn’t in any way cancel the love the person once had for you. It doesn’t mean that the person never loved you.
Change! Humans are susceptible to change.
When you meet a man at his secondary school level, his tastes will most likely be at a secondary level.
Listen, your mother cannot love you beyond her level of awareness and knowledge. This is why, when others are giving out flowers as a sign of love, to someone else, flowers are just grass and don’t depict love. Such people might define love as receiving a plate of well-padded Egusi soup and hot Eba with all those “orishi-rishi.”
Your person’s definition of love is highly tied to her level of exposure.
If he doesn’t take you out for dinner, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you like the person who does. His definition of love is tied to his level of exposure and knowledge.
Back to the crux of the matter.
When you meet a man at his secondary school level, at that moment, you too are at your secondary school level. His idea about love and the kind of person he desires is you. His definition of love at that level is you.
But remember that secondary school level isn’t all there is in the academic hierarchy.
So, even if you invest all your life ensuring that he achieves his highest possible best, probably his university level, Master’s, or even PhD level, there’s a high probability that he will abandon you when he gets there.
Why?
In the much-talked-about movie, Acrimony, lies the story of two different women.
One woman was with the man all through his days of little beginning. She made a lot of sacrifices for the man, including mortgaging the only house her parents left her to support the man.
Another woman, the “Esther-Blished” of that world, came in and introduced the man to the corridor of wealth. She simply capitalized on everything the first woman had been supporting and gave him a leverage to his dream.
I may not have told the story well, but you get the gist.
One was with him, struggling. The other opened his Heaven’s gate.
Of course, the poor one could have done the same if she had the capacity, but she didn’t.
In the end, the man ended up with the rich woman.
As acrimonious as the movie Acrimony is, it perfectly illustrates the idea of:
“I built with him, but he left me for another woman.”
“I sponsored her through school, but she broke up with me to marry her colleague.”
Again, humans are what? Susceptible to change.
When you stick with a man throughout his days of suffering, you must always keep in mind that he’s not immune to change. His tastes in love will change over time.
The definition he has of the perfect woman that you were might change because you’ve remained stagnant.
If together you were loving each other at his secondary school level of love, as you help him grow, you must always make sure you grow towards his new level.
As you help her grow, you must also be growing yourself to continuously fit into her new identity.
The moment she experiences a new level, your continued stay in her life is threatened.
The moment you’re no longer the best within her reach, you’re on slippery ground.
So, why did he leave after you struggled with him? Most likely, his definition of the perfect person he wants has changed from secondary school level to a university level, and unfortunately, you’re still at your secondary school level.
Plus, if he envisions that it will take you 10 years to match up with his newfound university level whereas he’s already aspiring to reach the next level (Master’s) and he needs a woman who can help him climb to that level, he will lose the patience to wait. To be on the safer side, he will look for a woman already at his level to start building again with.
Most people who are at their university level but married someone at their primary school level do so, sometimes, out of pity. And not many are willing to do that.
